Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
