You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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