when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
