I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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