Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
