I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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