the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
