Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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