How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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