She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
