Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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