I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
