my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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