i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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