watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
