My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
