god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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