Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
