you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize