using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
