I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
