How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize