I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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