on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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