im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
