I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
