I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
