I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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