I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
