You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
