That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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