please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize