Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
