i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
