This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize