I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
