I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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