You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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