I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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