i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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