My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
