I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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