thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
