you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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