ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Vodka?
Forever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
