found the other keg... it's in the tree
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize