sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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