Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
