so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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