I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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