if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
