My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
