Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
