another moral hangover. fuck.
too bad you live with your parents still
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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