went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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