life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
