operation harelip BJ is a go
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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