Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
