Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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