i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
